I'm lighting a candle, as I'm looking through my window
To the town square, the snow covered streets are lonely and bare,
yeah
The town Christmas tree, winks mockingly at me,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you
I wrapped my last gift and put the cellatape away,
Checked the answering machine
And in the distance, a choir sings
aaaaahhh
About the joy that Christmas brings

And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But it breaks my heart that that's the place I just can't be,
Cause I hate your family

The day I met you,
I knew you could get me through
When we're alone, my world is complete, you're all that I need
But when your family call,
they shit me up the wall,
Spending time with them just makes my brain bleed

And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But I'd rather string my nuts up to a Christmas tree,
Cause I hate your family

The night I first met them,
The dog was drunk,
And your father threatened me with a knife
Your sister showed me
Her collection of eels,
And what she did then will stay with me for life

And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But I'd rather drink a tumbler full of walrus wee,
Cause I hate your family

With your brother doing dick tricks at the table,
I can't believe your mum asked me to play spin the bottle

Yeah I'd rather be enclosed in a box of killer bees,
Yeah I'd rather be attacked by giant chimpazees,
Yeah I'd rather wear a suit designed by Jenny Keye

Your mum is dumb
And your dad is mad
And that's why I'm so sad